I ended it on the 30th December...

And it broke my heart into pieces 💔

Hello,

Well I want to start with Happy New Year – Or actually – happy fresh start, happy new opportunities, happy releasing of the old – the toxic, the everything that is no longer meant for you…

And this is exactly what brings me here.

As the title of this email said – I ended it on December 30th…

For the second time in 2 and a half years, I had my heart ripped open by having to make the choice to choose myself, my own well-being, my mental health and overall long-term happiness, buy choosing to end my relationship with a man that I love with all my heart.

But, my friends, love is not enough to carry and heal someone else’s pain – that has to come from them and gone are my days of trying to ‘fix’ anyone else. It doesn’t work... People’s healing is their own choice, they need to be responsible. And when someone is actively making changes that support this, then I am ALL IN. If, however, their own ego, their own pain, their need to be right, comes before being kind and loving – even when they’re angry – then I am out. When their healing begins to actively and purposefully inflict pain – that is when it is time to love yourself deeply enough to walk away.

As my dear friend Franca so beautifully explains, this was a pass-through. It was me reexperiencing a situation that I had already been through when ending my highly toxic marriage – healing, learning and continuing to grow from – and actively making different choices, quicker, and with far less emotional turmoil as I previously had.

Put simply – this was me choosing myself. It was me recognising patterns and putting a stop to it before it lead to more hurt and toxicity. This was me fucking LOVING myself over and above any attachment to anyone else.

My relationship that I just let go of was such a big upgrade on what I had previously had – there’s was kindness, devotion, love, support, and unmatched physical pleasure and connection – however, there was also reactivity, making arguments personal, lack of personal control and integrity, and a lack of action that meant that words and promises did not match actions. I have learned that this is not the foundations of anything that will last. And this is far below what I am willing to accept, regardless of how much I love someone.

Love, respect, a sense of partnership, and joint responsibility for the household is the absolute bare minimum. For women who truly love and value themselves, love is just the tip of the iceberg. There needs to be Emotional, Intellectual and Physical compatibility. You needs to have the same values, the ability to understand each other’s love languages, the willingness to fight for each other, the desire to not purposeful hurt or ‘attack’ when you’re angry, the ability to listen and not bulldoze over the other – silencing them through aggressive language, having the respect to not swear and belittle them, shared long term desires and plans, a willingness to grow and learn together, regular intimacy and connection, and the integrity to honour your word – fulfilling promises, or communicating when somethings gets in the way.

If you think about it, these are all ways of being that support ALL relationships – whether it’s romantic, family, work etc! This is the bare minimum standard for any relationship that I am willing to give my time and love to. I have travelled through hell and back, healing narcissistic abuse and childhood trauma, and never will I ever abandon myself again – even if it hurts my heart so much to leave someone I love – I love myself more.

So this email here is an invitation for you to do the same… to love on yourself so hard that your bare minimum becomes clear and intentional boundaries that you are willing to uphold for yourself. Running a business, taking care of (my 3!) children, maintaining a home, providing financially, are all hard enough as it is – so unless your person is willing to lift you up, to add to your life, to have your best interests at heart – even through disagreement - then perhaps it is time to release them . To choose yourself above any attachement!

This is the heart of being unapologetic! And it is the foundations for standing in your power and becoming magnetic.

It is time to strip away the ‘Good Girl’ and start taking the steps to create a life that turns you on. And yes, the path of pleasure is not all roses – but what it means is that you are actively choosing your long-term happiness and joy over inconsistent, fleeting moments of ‘surface’ pleasure that leave you feeling hollow and unworthy.

The path that I work with is deep rooted in choosing YOU. Being YOU fully. Moving away from all the ‘quick-fix’ 10 step, million dollar making blah blah systems – and OWNING who you are fully – UNAPOLOGETIOCALLY! And I actively practice what I preach!

So, I invite you to take a look at where you are right now – is it a place that is truly making you happy? Do you feel fulfilled? Whole? Confident? Or are you stuck running around trying to please others, neglecting yourself, feeling drained – unseen and unheard?

Let me know where you are right now by hitting reply. I read all of my emails personally as my business is just me, and in this moment of powerfully choosing myself again – I want to be here for you to do the same! So, if you reply to me, then you will hear back from me. I know what it takes to make these kind of changes… It’s not easy, so let me lend you my strength so that you can begin to choose yourself too.

Sending you so much love as we move into 2024… This year is energetically an 8 year, meaning it is filled with promise and has the power to fuel your action!

You’ve got this! 🙌

Emma xo